Saying thank you

With each of the kids birthdays comes many gifts and well wishes from family and friends.  So I try to spend some time in the days (or weeks) after each one helping the kids thank those who remembered them.  I'm certainly not perfect at it, sometimes we forget, and sometimes a simple phone call or text is all I can squeeze in.  But there is something about a handwritten note that I love.

I took this picture of Will the day before his birthday and thought it would make a cute thank you card.  After printing it, I glued it to some cardstock so I could write a little note on the back.

I also love to have a stash of homemade cards on hand to use for birthdays and thank you's so we don't have to be scrambling at the last second.

Scribble drawings 

Water color

Surviving the transition from winter to spring

We've entered the time of year when everyone is getting tired of the dirty snow, the rain, the gray skies, the mud and the cold weather.  Even John has admitted he's tired of the snow... and that's saying something!  But with this slow transition from winter to spring has come some downtime that has been quite enjoyable.  I haven't filled up our days with too many activities away from home.  Instead, we've settled into a slower routine, read a lot of books, played a lot of dragons, checkers and hide-and-seek, and worked on a few projects.



We all seem to migrate to the couch by the window when the sun is out.



I don't think the kids are used to seeing me lay down so much.  But I could get used to this.



Even Will will lay still for a few... seconds.



Many forts have been built in our front room.



And many games of checkers have been played.



And of course I can't lie around all day long... this is the time of year when I do the most sewing.  I have about 10 projects floating around in my head, it's just a matter of deciding which ones I should actually do, what I actually have time for.  Currently a jean picnic blanket is in the works (don't look too close, I'm a beginner quilter).



Our wheat grass continues to grow.  Yes wheat!  It's actually growing!  Who would have thought.  A couple days more and we'll transplant them into something better looking.



Our garden plans have begun.  We made garden markers last year for Pete's mom but never got around to making our own.  We'll use a wood burner to trace the letters, then nail the signs to stakes.  Even though planting most of the garden won't happen for a couple of months, just the thought of it is exciting.





What do you do to survive this time of year?

Finding joy in each season

I never thought I would say this... but I have loved the snow, the ice, and the subfreezing temperatures this winter.  Yes, even the cold!  Because with those things have come many hours spent outside playing in the snow, ice skating, skiing out the back door and on trails, many, many cups of hot chocolate (way too many to count), cuddling underneath blankets on the couch, playing make-believe dragons, reading books, catching up on mending and sewing projects, and slowing down a bit.  Pete has always said he couldn't live somewhere without the seasons, and I have always said I could do without winter.  But this year, instead of dreading the cold and being stuck inside, I have decided to simply enjoy winter for what it is.

This is the first year that John and Dan have been able to put on all their snow gear by themselves.  Snowpants, coats, boots, hats, gloves and scarves.  It was so fun to see them come out of the laundry room together, all geared up for a snowy adventure.  And even more great that I didn't have to help them and they didn't have to ask.  John is the snow king, he LOVES the snow.  I've never met another boy who loves the snow more.  He hung up signs he made on all the windows that said, "Let it snow!" and looked out the window first thing every morning to see if it had.  He often got ready for school as fast as he could so he could get outside and play before the bus came.  I think John's love for the snow rubbed off on everyone.

Even though John and Dan can get ready themselves, it was still quite the process getting the whole family ready to go anywhere.  There was one morning in particular when I thought it would be fun to take Dan and Joe cross country skiing while John was at school.  It was a sunny day (and there aren't a whole lot of those in the winter here) and I was feeling extra adventurous.  I spent the whole morning getting everything ready.  A thermos of hot chocolate, packing the car with everyone's skis, the chariot for Will (we have ski attachments so I can pull him behind me), making sure everyone was fed, had gone potty, and was properly dressed.  After a couple hours of prep we finally arrived at the park I wanted to ski at.  Then it was setting up the Chariot, getting everyone's skis on, putting some heating pads around Will (it was sunny but still below freezing) and trying to stay positive and happy so everyone would have a good time.  As soon as we all started skiing, I knew the hard work had been worth it.  The sun felt warm on our faces, the snow was soft, the kids were excited (it was Joe's first time), Will was content and the path we went on was beautiful.  

Pete and I left the kids with a babysitter a few Saturdays so we could ski together on one of our favorite trails.  Since it takes a lot of planning and effort to go anywhere without the kids, I feel like I have to enjoy every minute.  Not that I don't enjoy being with the kids, it's not that at all.  I just don't get to be out in nature by myself (or with Pete) without loud, sometimes needy, children very often.  It's quite nice.

Will got to experience snow for the first time this year.  Let's be honest, there's not a whole lot a 9-month old can do in the snow, but he did seem to enjoy being outside if he was all bundled up.  And by the end of the winter he really did like sledding.  I love watching the kids try and experience new things.  Their excitement and curiosity is contagious.

Unfortunately for Will, he has spent a lot of the winter gazing out the back window, watching his brothers have all the fun.  Surprisingly he hasn't seemed to mind, just looking outside was enough I guess.  But I am getting excited at the thought of him being able to crawl and roll around on warm, green grass.  

And since we still have a while until that warm, green grass will actually be here, I decided to give a go at growing grass from wheat kernels this year.  We followed these instructions and will hopefully have some green grass growing by Easter.  The winter and the snow have been fun, but I must say, I am now really looking forward to Spring, and everything that comes with it.

Chasing the Caterpillar

I've been wanting to write down a few things I've had on my mind lately and thought I might as well write them down here.  My mom gave me the book "Bringing Up Boys," by James Dobson after I had Joe, our third boy.  Fitting, I know.  I'm reading through it for the second time right now.  This book is very well written, I highly recommend it to anyone with boys.  It goes over the difference between girls and boys, what to expect with boys, the importance of fathers, a mother's role, the best way to educate boys, advice for single parents, how to discipline boys, what we should be doing to shape the next generation of men and much more.  It also touched on something that has been on my mind a lot lately: the effect this busy, hurried world is having on us and on our kids.  I really like this analogy Dr. Dobson used in his book:

"The great French naturalist Jean-Henri Fabre once conducted a fascinating experiment with processionary caterpillars, so called because they tend to march in unison.  He lined them around the inner edge of a flowerpot and then monitored them carefully as they marched in a circle.  At the end of the third day, he placed some pine needles, which is the favorite food of caterpillars, in the center of the pot.  They continued walking for four more days without breaking rank.  Finally, one at a time, they rolled over and died of starvation, just inches from their ideal food source.

"These furry little creatures reminded me in some ways of today's moms.  Most of them are trudging around in circles from morning to night, exhausted and harried, wondering how in the world they can get everything done.  Many are employed full-time while also taking care of families, chauffeuring kids, fixing meals, cleaning the house, and trying desperately to maintain their marriages, friendships, family relationships, and spiritual commitments.  It is a backbreaking load.  Sadly, this overcommitted and breathless way of life, which I call "routine panic," characterizes the vast majority of people in Western nations.

"Are you one of these harried women running in endless circles?  Have you found yourself too busy to read a good book or take a long walk with your spouse or hold your three-year-old child on your lap while telling him or her a story?  Have you taken time to study God's Word—to commune with Him and listen to His gentle voice?  Have you eliminated almost every meaningful activity in order to deal with the tyranny of a never-ending "to do" list?  Have you ever asked yourself why in the world you have chosen to live like this?  Perhaps so, but it it not an easy problem to solve.  We live our lives as if we're on freight trains that are rumbling through town.  We don't control the speed—or at least we think we don't—so our only option is to get off.  Stepping from the train and taking life more slowly is very difficult.  Old patterns die very hard indeed."

There's a woman I visited a week or two ago who has 9 children.  They are all grown now, and I commented on how it takes an amazing woman to raise that many kids.  She kind of brushed off my compliment and went on to say that times are a lot different now.  In today's world she thinks she'd be able to handle about 3.  And that got me thinking.  Parents don't just wake up and send the kids off to school, then spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening letting the kids play, visiting with friends and family, eating dinner and relaxing like they used to (not that life was easy... it just seems people didn't have to be moving so fast).  Now there are sports, music lessons, swimming lessons, gyms, preschools, clubs...  not to mention our immersion into the digital age: e-mail, facebook, twitter, blogs, pinterest... all sorts of things that can make us busier than ever.  And none of these things are bad in and of themselves necessarily.  But how do we keep from becoming so busy that we lose sight of what's really important?

At the beginning of the summer I read "Hamlet's BlackBerry," by William Powers.  Also a great book. Powers starts off the book by introducing his friend Marie:

"...When I first met her in the mid-1990s, Marie was a recent immigrant to the United States and still learning the fine points of English.  Back then, whenever I saw her and asked how she was doing, she would flash a big happy smile and say, 'Busy, very busy!'

"This was strange, partly because she said it so consistently and partly because her expression and upbeat tone didn't match her words.  She seemed pleased, indeed ecstatic, to be reporting that she was so busy.

"After a while, I figured out what was going on.  Marie was copying what she'd heard Americans saying to one another over and over.  Everyone talked so much about how busy they were, she thought it was a pleasantry, something that a person with good manners automatically said when a friend asked how they were doing.  Instead of 'Fine, thank you,' you were supposed to say you were busy.

"She was wrong, of course, as she eventually realized.  But in another way she was absolutely right. 'Busy, very busy" is exactly what we are most of the time.  It's staggering how many balls we keep in the air each day and how few we drop.  We're so busy, sometimes it seems as though busyness itself is the point."

It's almost funny how many people really do answer with the word "busy" when asked how they're doing.  I didn't even notice it until after I read this.  And I'll confess, I have found myself answering this same way at times.  Life with 4 boys 6 and under... what do you expect.  But I've been thinking a lot lately... Am I making my life busier than it needs to be?  Are there things I can cut out or get rid of to simplify my life a little bit?  Do I need to stress over writing a post on my blog every day to keep my readers? (obviously the answer to that question for me is no... as you can tell from this blog)  Do I need to spend 2 hours making homemade pizza dough and sauce on a day when the kids are needing a little more attention from me?  Do I need to stay up into the wee hours of the morning getting the house perfectly clean only to be exhausted and on edge the entire next day?  Do I need to reply to a text right this second while my kids are trying to show me something they made?

I think a certain amount of work and busyness is a good thing.  Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I can't do it all.  And that I don't need to do it all.  Especially if it's at the expense of my kids.  I don't think I'm ever going to look back and wish I had added a few more things to my schedule.  If anything, I think it will be the opposite.  I don't think it's necessary to remove all extracurricular activities, sports, music lessons and digital media from my life or the lives of my kids.  But hopefully I can be wise enough to look up in this frenzy of caterpillars, dare to take another path at times, and keep my eyes on what really matters.

Reconnecting: bows & arrows

We just returned from a 3 week trip to Utah.  It was wonderful to be with friends and family, but I must say, it's good to be home.  It was a busy 3 weeks as we attempted to see everyone and do everything that we had missed out on over this past year.  Hiking, swimming, family reunions, Park City, Bear Lake, sailing, games, shopping, biking, visiting, running, eating out, play dates, over nighters, birthdays... we somehow managed to pack it all in!  I don't know if anyone else does this, but by the end I felt like I had reconnected with everyone... except my own kids.  And this became obvious by the end when the kids were behaving worse than I had ever seen them.  Lack of structure, lack of sleep, an overdose of family of friends and an underdose of their own mother left them fighting, talking back, whining and disobeying more than ever.

So a few days ago we all finally reconnected by working on one of my favorite projects I've done with them: making bows and arrows.  I've realized that doing crafts, projects or games with my kids is how I connect with them best.  And these have definitely been lacking over the last few weeks.  It was so nice to finally sit down with the older three and work on something that we were all excited about again.

I found the tutorial for these bows and arrows on the blog You Craft Me Up.  It was surprisingly very simple and we were able to put 4 bows and 8 arrows together in one afternoon.  Even with the breaks I had to take to feed Will, keep him happy and get the kids a snack.  And the best part?  All of the supplies only cost me $16!  That's $4 per bow and 2 arrows.  I made one each for John, Dan and Joe, and then one set for John's friend who is having a birthday party next week.  A pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

 
We made one change to the tutorial we followed: I didn't dare let the kids shoot the sticks around with nothing on the end.  Knowing kids, one of the arrows would find itself in someone's eye.  So I taped a piece of the foam to the end.  It could still hurt if it was shot at someone at close range, but at least it won't cause permanent damage.  I would recommend having a rule to not shoot at people, either way.


On Daniel's bow we taped a piece of PVC pipe to it to rest the arrow on when he shoots.  He was having a hard time aiming the arrow, but this made it very easy.



The kids couldn't wait to show the neighbor kids their new weapons... sometimes I wonder what I would be making if I had a girl... a doll? a skirt?... But I'm pretty happy making bows and arrows for the time being :)

Encouraging the love

Last fall John played soccer, and I couldn't help but notice something the coach of the team they were playing against was doing.  The coaches stayed on the field since the kids were just learning, and every time one of his players made a goal, this coach would run around to the other players and tell them to go give that person a high five.  During the first few goals, the kids on his team just cheered where they were until their coach came along and told them what to do.  But by the end, the teammates were running down and giving high fives on their own accord and cheering each other on.  I would imagine most of the kids on that team didn't know each other at first, but they had clearly bonded by the end.

I've thought a lot about what this coach was doing for those kids since then.  He was encouraging them to cheer for each other and interact with each other, when they might not have done so on their own.  And I've thought even more about how I can do this for my own kids.  One of the things that makes me the very happiest is to see my kids getting along, loving each other, playing well together and laughing together.  And I want to encourage that behavior as much as possible.  My kids definitely have their moments of fighting, screaming, teasing, name-calling and hitting.  Daily.  But overall, I feel like they really do love each other.

Here are a few things I have done to try to encourage the love:

* Telling each other "bye" and "hi."  Maybe some kids do this on their own, but mine didn't.  And I noticed it when John started going to school.  John would just walk out the door to wait for the bus without saying anything to his brothers, and Dan and Joe would just continue playing.  Sometimes Joe would come outside to see the bus, but still nothing would be said between the two of them when John left.  So I started saying things like, "John, say goodbye to your brothers!" or "Dan and Joe, say goodbye to John!" or "Look who's home!  Say hi to John!"  And sure enough, they are starting to catch on.  It made my heart leap for joy the first time I saw Joe running down the driveway when John got off the bus yelling excitedly, "Hi, John!  Hi John!"

* Helping the kids serve each other.  One really easy way I do this is to have the kids share treats or snacks that I give them with each other.  For example, if we're having cookies for an afternoon snack I can call Dan over and say, "Go give one of these to John and one to Joe."  Then even though it's me who got the cookies for them, Dan gets to feel like he's serving his brothers, and John and Joe think Dan's being really nice to share those cookies.

* Helping the kids feel like they have some ownership of their baby brother.  My babies have never been off limits to their older brothers.  I think I would go crazy trying to keep little hands off of the babies.  Rather, I have tried to encourage gentle touch (I guess this may not work for all children... you may have to set some boundaries).  When Will is awake and at his happiest I'll ask the kids if anyone wants to hold him.  Dan especially loves to hold his baby brother, and will sit on the couch with him for up to 15 minutes sometimes.  Just talking to him and looking at him.  Will isn't just mine.  He's all of ours.

*Having the older kids help the younger kids.  This is win win win.  The older child gets to show that they know how to do something, the younger kid gets helped by his older brother, and I don't have to help :)  Putting on shoes or socks, getting some water, opening a door, cleaning up a spill, getting out a toy, or putting a binkie in a mouth, to name a few.

* Teaching by example.  Probably the most important.  Yet sometimes the hardest.  All the time I find the kids talking exactly like me.  And that's not always a good thing.  My hugs and kisses, tone of voice, service, patience or the lack thereof does not go unnoticed.  Kids truly learn by example.

* Saying "I love you."  I think we first encouraged the kids to say "I love you" to each other before going to bed one night.  It's not a routine thing, but every once in a while those sweet words will be said before going to bed or at any time of the day.  A little while back, John and Dan were coloring next to each other, and out of no where Dan said, "I love you, John." And John said back, "I love you, Dan."  Music to my ears.

Do you have things you do to help encourage the love?

The greatest gift you can give your children...

My grandma used to say that the greatest gift you can give your children is the gift of each other. My mom spoke at her funeral last summer and included those words in her talk. Grandma always encouraged her girls to have a lot of children. As our boys are growing up, interacting more with each other, playing, wrestling, laughing, and yes, sometimes fighting, Pete and I often talk about how true those words are! It makes me so happy to watch these little ones grow up together. And with our move away from family and friends, I have watched them become even closer, having to rely on each other for friendship and security. Nothing makes me happier than to see my boys sitting side by side reading books, playing Legos, getting their dinosaurs ready for battle and laughing over silly things. They give each other something that no one else can. It's hard to believe we'll be adding another little boy into the mix in the next few weeks. I can't wait.